This post was written by Shelby Carella

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Top unnamed sources at unnamed US intelligence agencies have confirmed with “confidence” that Vladimir Putin personally hacked the NFL to benefit the Cowboys in last night’s game. The Cowboys beat Tampa Bay 26-20, which defied computer models. Referees were caught drinking cold borscht and listening to the “Nutcracker Suite” during the Halftime break. A source close to an unnamed intelligence office verified the report, saying Vladimir Putin personally interviened, giving the Cowboys the winning edge by forcing refs to give Tampa a penalty in the 2nd quarter for “aggression.” A top Spy:

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It’s unthinkable that a referee would give a player unneccesary roughness as a penalty when the Patriots won a Superbowl with deflated balls.

Putin’s reasoning? Putin placed bets in Vegas, according to unnamed sources within the ATF, who monitored an unnamed casino and saw Vladimir Putin placing a $500 bet for the Cowboys. Macedonian teens spread Putin’s hack: Macedonian teens in Veles were caught spying on Tampa Bay’s running backs from their webcams in Veles, giving Cowboys a potentially winning edge. President Obama is set to retaliate against the cowboys.  Okay, okay. This is “fake news,” but doesn’t it sound a lot like the Russian hack story? Unnamed sources, stories, and agencies telling the media why and how Putin hacked, without confirming it?

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