DNC To Declare Everyone Winners, Hand Out Participation Trophies

Democrats went to sleep last night not knowing who won the Iowa caucus on Monday because of a fancy new app that was supposed to be used to track voting. The app has malfunctioned, much like the Obamacare website, causing the entire system to meltdown and chaos to ensue throughout the state. President Trump made jokes about it on twitter this morning.

“The Democrat Caucus is an unmitigated disaster. Nothing works, just like they ran the country. Remember the 5 Billion Dollar Obamacare Website, that should have cost 2% of that. The only person that can claim a very big victory in Iowa last night is “Trump.”

The President then went on to retweet an image of a burning dumpster that was posted by Dan Scavino.

The democratic party has said that they are conducting “quality control,” and that everything is fine. They will not give the press nor the campaigns any answers though as to what the problem is. Rumors are abound that Joe Biden has done horribly tonight and this is the reason for the delay of results being released.

Warren did a dance on stage in Iowa to convince kids socialists were cool

It’s quite an embarrassment for a political party that is campaigning on promises to expand government by two or three times the size it is now, along with government spending. While many Americans argue that the government is already way too big, every single Democratic candidate running for President disagrees. This includes having the government take over healthcare.

Bernie held a rock concert with underage drinking and drug use to make his case for bigger government


The Biden campaign has released a pretty cranky letter by the wording of it and basically told the DNC that he’s not going to wait around for them to release the Iowa results.

Dana Remus, Biden’s general counsel:

 “I write on behalf of the Biden for President Campaign regarding the considerable flaws in tonight’s Iowa Caucus reporting system. The app that was intended to relay Caucus results to the Party failed; the Party’s back-up telephonic reporting system likewise has failed. Now, we understand that Caucus Chairs are attempting to — and, in many cases, failing to — report results telephonically to the Party. These acute failures are occurring statewide.

Biden told an audience that he can touch children if they give him permission

We appreciate that you plan to brief the campaigns momentarily on these issues, and we plan to participate. However, we believe that the campaigns deserve full explanations and relevant information regarding the methods of quality control you are employing, and an opportunity to respond, before any official results are released. We look forward to hearing from you promptly.

In the meantime, we are on to New Hampshire, on the road to the most important election of our lifetimes.”

A number of videos have surfaced which raise questions about Joe Biden’s sanity


Horrible turnout recorded

The Democrats are starting to worry as the results come in of voter turnout, and it is not looking good for them. Previously, Democrats predicted a record turnout for the caucus. But this wasn’t the case. What’s ironic is that the Democrats have touted a predicted record turnout as proof of a blue wave for November against Donald Trump. This would appear to not be the case.

And on top of this, only 1/3 of caucus goers were first timers for the Democrats, much less than 2016 when almost half had never caucused with the Dems before. Democrats hoped to break their record turnout ever which was in 2008. Back then, 240,000 people caucused in the Democratic primary in Iowa. Early predictions for this year are at most, 170,000.

Biden smooched his granddaughter on the lips, which was seen by many as unsettling and bizarre


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